When Square Enix isn’t busy whoring out its major videogame franchise to anyone who’ll listen, it can be found in a street corner bar, a glass of merlot in hand, looking down on all and sundry behind gilded spectacles, for it is a wine drinker. Wine drinkers are better than everyone else, you see, and Squeenix is set toprove itwith a new — I suppose “game” —How to begin with Wine DS.

With a title that looks like it’s trying to encourage children to put a first foot on their glorious path toward alcoholism, Square Enix is helping all players begin with wine by including a bottle of the stuff with the game — provided by partner Mercian. The software itself will teach budding wine fans all about the noble drink, with a range of tests and lists. Sounds thrilling, doesn’t it?

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Don’t worry, I’m sure they found a way to smuggle Sephiroth into itsomehow. Maybe he has a vineyard or something.

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